for fear that if I step to the light...
my reality will have to set in....
constantly afraid that people will run ....
people won't understand....
no one will even try...
tears have forced themselves from my eyes...
I didn't want her to hear me cry like that....
in those tears lives the pain and hurt built up from my entire life up to date...
I've never been able to release, so the pain is instilled deep within me....
I hide behind my smiles and humor, make people focus on themselves or what's at hand other than....
than what's inside of me.......
then here she comes, prying me open....
my contents are spilling.....
I am begging and pleading to wake up and find out this is just a dream...
a dream of a fictional character I've created...
instead I'm reminded that I'm left with a permanent clause...
when she gets too close....
I flinch...
shove her away...
fear that she won't stay anyway...
so where does that leave me....
forced to live a life unfulfilled and empty..
so no one can ever get...
get too close....
when inside i'm scared, perhaps more than most...
it's easier to run, than face....
GOD I'm so tired of running....
tonight my conscience spoke to me....
in this case, you might be the only one to run....
do you want to leave her....
leave her still standing....
she's trying......
she's reaching....
don't let fear get the best of you...
well motherfuck that....
cause tonight FEAR is rearing it's ugly head...
BEcause tonight...
tonight I fell inlove with her...
and that fact kinda sorta like REALLY MAGNIFIED the FEAR...
the FEAR that lives in me ...
my clause tells me that she deserves better...
that she can do so much better than me...
tears fall because I know she'll say that's not true..
.she'll probably hurt because i feel this way...
But I never want to end up being her regret in the long run...
I don't want her making the decision to stay on impulse only later to wish she could take it all back....
on some weak shit.....
on some weak motherfucking shit...
I wish this was TWILIGHT...
I wish I could show her I glistened like diamonds in the sun....
but...
that's just not the case.
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